I stopped blogging here just over a year ago, the self-imposed silence came about because suddenly, on a three-month trip around Spain, I felt very self-conscious.
All the social media and blogging seemed to scream, “look at me, look at what I’m doing”, progressing on to “what should I do for my next picture” as opposed to well what would we actually like to do next?
It turns out, we didn’t really want to do much, we sat and drank coffee, chatted to as many locals who would chat to us with our basic Spanish, and I tried my best to not overheat most of the time.
The funny thing was, it didn’t really make me feel all that relaxed, I had always wanted to spend three months in Spain, for many reasons that seemed clear at some point but had vanish when want became a reality.
Navigating the, what I want and who I am, filtered by me through the eyes of friends, family and general acquaintances, mixed with a good dash of social media LIKES and curating, served only to confuse a mind, my mind.
Ironically my 49-year-old mind knows less today what I want to be and do than when I was a kid, but with the added knowledge that if and when shit can happen it will.
So today I find myself in the North of Spain again, by choice because the weather is cooler than the south, except when we arrive during an unusual heat wave and it’s hotter.
(Shit you can’t control will happen)
Thinking, maybe air conditioning might have been something to consider when booking an apartment, followed quickly by the guilt of having the choice to be able to consider the choice.
And the spiralling of thoughts continues and will go on until I stop them.
What I do know is:
- I don’t have any money.
- I don’t own a house yes I am homeless.
- I don’t have a structured career path.
- I want to have a lot less stuff, two suitcases is the aim.
- I want to live slowly.
- I want to be part of the world, every little bit of it, as messy and confusing as it is.
- I want to enjoy my life journey.
- I want the work I do to add much and take little.
- I am lucky to have the person I love the most in the world, love me too. (Ally)
- I absolutely adore my dog missy.
- I am vegan.
- I am good at saving.
As good a place to start is right here and now.